so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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