Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
