she woke up with a sticky ear
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
