she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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