what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
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