when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
