Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
