none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I need to wash the frat house off of me
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
