You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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