you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
