With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
