I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
