don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
as a side note pls kill me
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
