Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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