The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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