Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
