we're blogging at a bar
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
