just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
