That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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