he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
