new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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