I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
