Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
