Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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