You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
he fucked my hip out of place.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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