It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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