dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize