Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
