i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
