I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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