Me. At least after what I've been through.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
