Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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