just tell him i said nine months
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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