life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
