Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
My bed smells like the plague
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