I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
