pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I think I just sharted jello shots
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