Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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