a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
