got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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