I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
