im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
