i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
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I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
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Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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