So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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