Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I should be sponsored by Trojan
My balls are so social today.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
