My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
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