how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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