this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
