Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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