oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
