Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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