If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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