your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
