She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Im part way to drunk.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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