Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
even my farts smell like vagina
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
