do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
