lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
