hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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