Ketchup is God's man juice
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
