I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Randomize
