I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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