Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize